Forever
by princess89
Summary: Follows on from the season 3 finale. How will will everyone cope when they learn of the tragedy?
1. Goodbye

After watching the season 3 finale (which i cried at!) I decided to write a story following on from the end of the episode. It will be about how everyone reacts and then Marissa's funeral, will be a few chapters. Hope you enjoy and please review!

Chapter 1: Goodbye  


Ryan buried his head into her lifeless body.

"No…..no…" he had told her he wanted to be the last to say goodbye, but not like this. He didn't want to say goodbye forever. This wasn't supposed to happen. Not to Marissa. She was supposed to be starting a new life with her dad on a boat, yet here he was holding her cold body, the only heat coming from the blazing fire behind them.

He looked up when he heard the noise of a car engine and the slamming of a door. A man in his early thirties ran over.

"Oh my God! Are you kids alright!" Only when he got closer did he realise that they definitely weren't. The young boy's lifeless eyes stared into his, as he clutched the limp body of a young girl. He gasped and stopped in his tracks when he noticed the blood covering the side of her head. He ran the last few metres towards the boy.

"Is she alive!" he asked urgently crouching down. He looked at the boy who didn't say a word. "Have you checked her pulse?" When he still got no reply he reached for the girl's wrist and held his fingers to it, praying that he was going to feel something.

"Come on, come on," he said under his breath.

"She's dead," he heard a quiet mumble and turned his head to look at the boy. "She's dead okay! Gone! Forever!" the boy said raising his voice.

"I'm going to call for help. What's your name?" he looked as the boys face filled with pain as a tear fell from his eye for the girl lying in his arms.

"What does it matter anymore?" he said quietly. The man jumped up and ran back to the car for his cell phone.

Ryan grabbed onto Marissa's cold hand. He brought it up to his face and gently kissed it.

Dead. Four letters that meant nothing on their own but put together they meant emptiness, coldness. They meant his life would never be the same again.

* * *

He felt as a blanket was draped around his shoulders.

"You've got to keep warm. Help is on its way."

He had to keep warm. Marissa on the other hand would never be warm again. No matter how many blankets he could wrap around her, her cheeks would never glow again. Her heart would remain cold.

Ryan heard the blaring noise of sirens grow nearer, until he saw the flashing of red and blue lights around him. But he didn't move. He never once took his eyes off her. He couldn't let her go. He wasn't ready. Even as he felt the hands of a paramedic on him he still wouldn't let go.

"Come on kid," Ryan started to give up as the paramedics gradually took Marissa out of his grasp. He held on to her hand for as long as he could, and felt his body crumple as the tips of her fingers grazed over his.

"No, no! No!" he shouted as hands held him back, pulling him up from the ground. "Marissa!" he reached out for her as she was put on a stretcher and into an ambulance.

"Marissa…." he said weakly as she disappeared out of sight.

"Hey, it's okay. We need to get you checked out." He stepped into another ambulance and the last thing he saw was the flames shooting up into the clear night sky from the car that was a gift. A gift to say well done. A gift to take him into the next part of his life. A gift, however, that had ended this part.

* * *

Sandy groaned and rolled over as the phone beside the bed started ringing. He reached his arm out and picked it up.

"Hello," he groaned, half asleep.

"Could I please speak to Mr or Mrs Cohen?"

"This is Sandy Cohen. Who is this?" he asked sitting up. Kirsten sat up rubbing her eyes

"I'm Dr Edwards from Newport General Hospital."

Sandy immediately turned the bedside light on.

"Sandy?" Kirsten looked at him worried.

"I'm sorry to say that your son, Ryan, has been involved in an automobile accident."

"A car accident?" Kirsten's eyes widened as he said this and she sat up beside him.

"Well is he alright?"

"Ryan is doing well, a few broken ribs and a concussion, but there was a passenger in his car a Miss Marissa…."

"Cooper," Sandy said finishing his sentence. "Is she alright?" silence. "Dr?"

"I'm sorry but she didn't make it."

Sandy lowered the phone from his ear, his hand shaking.

"Sandy?" Kirsten touched his shoulder, frowning. "Sandy what's wrong?"

He slowly turned his head to her.

"It's Marissa. She's dead."

Kirsten just looked at Sandy for a few seconds before she could register what he was saying.

"She..she…" Kirsten could feel tears forming in her eyes. How could she be dead? She was only a kid, and she was off to start a great new life with Jimmy.

"We'll be right there Dr, thank you," Sandy said into the phone hanging it up. He turned back to Kirsten who had her hand up to her mouth.

"So, uh, Ryan is he…" she stuttered swallowing deeply.

"He's alright. A few broken ribs, nothing major."

Kirsten got up off the bed and walked to the window. Sandy walked over behind her.

"I just don't understand. How is she dead? She's only 17. And she was off to start a new life with…." She turned to face Sandy and he saw the marks of tears on her cheeks. "Oh god, Jimmy. How are we going to tell him? Marissa was the most important thing to him. How can we tell a man that his teenage daughter is dead, what's he going to do," she buried her head in Sandy as he held her close.

"Hey, hey. We'll figure it out," he said gently rubbing her back. Sandy looked up at the ceiling swallowing, to keep any tears from surfacing. He and Kirsten had watched Marissa grow up and now she was dead. He didn't even know how to start to process information like that. One thing he did know was that Ryan would be needing them now more than ever before.

"Hey, we need to go to the hospital. Ryan needs us." Kirsten looked up at Sandy

"Seth."

Sandy ran his hand through his hair. How was he supposed to tell Seth that Marissa was dead? And then Summer….

"How are we going to tell him Sandy?" Sandy looked at her.

"You get ready, I'll go talk to Seth."

* * *

Sandy knocked gently on Seth's door and walked in to the dark room.

"Hey Seth," he whispered. No movement. Sandy walked over to the bed and touched the sleeping body. Seth groaned and tried to turn over getting caught up in his duvet covers. He fought with them and eventually sat up his hair sticking on end. He rubbed his eyes and saw a figure standing beside his bed.

"Dad?" Sandy leaned down and turned on his bedside light.

"Woah! Seth put his arm up to his eyes. "What's with the interrogation. Has someone died or something?" Seth said jokingly, not realising it was the worst joke he could have made. He brought his arm down from his face and looked at Sandy who was still standing there, a grave expression on his face. Seth stopped smiling and frowned at his dad.

"Dad? What's wrong?" Sandy sighed and sat down on the edged of the bed. "Okay, are you going to say something or did you just fancy waking me up and sitting on my bed?" Seth said as Sandy just sat there.

"We just got a phone call from the hospital."

Seth felt himself wake up at the word hospital.

"Ryan and Marissa were in a car accident."

"What?" Seth stared at him in shock. "Uh, well are they okay? Is Ryan okay?" he asked urgently.

"Yeah Ryan's fine."

"Well that's good news right?" Seth couldn't figure out why Sandy was in shock. Sandy looked at his son. He could tell that Seth wasn't understanding the situation. He watched as Seth frowned, then as his eyes widened in realisation.

"What are you saying? Marissa's fine right?" he asked pretty certain of the answer. "Dad?"

"She's dead."

Seth just stared at Sandy speechless.

"Wait…wait….uhhh…..she's….._dead_?"

"I'm sorry son." Sandy said watching as Seth tried to take it all in. Seth nodded his head and turned it away from Sandy. He brought his hand up and leaned his head on it.

"But I saw her only a matter of hours ago…." he brought his hand down to his mouth. Sandy noticed that his eyes were glistening with tears. "How am I supposed to tell Summer? You should have seen how upset she was when Marissa was leaving but telling her she's never going to see her best friend again? I don't know if I can do that to her. It will destroy her."

Not knowing what else to do Sandy put his arm around Seth's shoulder and pulled him into him.

"We'll get through it together. Your mom's just getting ready to go to the hospital, you better get dressed."

Seth nodded his head. Sandy patted his back reassuringly and left Seth sitting alone in his room. Seth sat on the edge of the bed, resting his head on his hands between his knees. He went over in his head what it would be like telling Summer.

"_Oh hey Summer. You look very nice today. Oh by the way your best friend, Marissa, is dead. You fancy going to the diner?"_

How was he supposed to tell her? It is hardly something you drop into conversation.

* * *

Seth dragged his feet down the last few stairs. He had got dressed like a zombie, just running 'Marissa's dead, Marissa's dead' over and over in his head.

"Hey," Kirsten said to him quietly as he walked over to them waiting at the front door. She walked over to him and hugged him.

They spent the whole car journey to the hospital in complete silence. Seth rested his head on the window and watched as the ocean glistened in the moonlight. Everything was so deceptively perfect. He knew he had never been that close to Marissa but ever since Ryan had turned up it had always been him, Summer, Ryan and Marissa: the fantastic four against the world. But now there was only three. And he knew there was no such thing as the fantastic three.

* * *

Sandy, Seth and Kirsten walked up to the front desk in the hospital.

"Hi I'm Sandy Cohen. We're here to see Ryan Atwood."

"If you would like to just take a seat."

"No I would not like…"

"Hey, Sandy," Kirsten gently rested her hand on Sandy's arm. She shook her head. There was no point in getting angry. She guided Sandy over to the seats and they all sat down. Kirsten took Sandy's hand in hers and gently squeezed it. Sandy turned and kissed her head. She rested her head on his shoulder, as Seth sat with his elbows on his knees, holding his head in his hands.

"Sandy?"

Sandy's head shot up and he looked along the corridor at Ryan. He felt Kirsten stand up beside him. He stood up and followed Kirsten over to Ryan. Kirsten carefully wrapped her arms around him. At first he didn't respond but he gradually hugged her back.

"I'm so sorry, Ryan," she said quietly. She couldn't help but let a tear escape. She let go of him and wiped the tear off her face. Sandy rested his hand on Ryan's shoulder.

"We're here for you," he said reassuringly. Ryan looked at Sandy and nodded his head grimly. He knew they were there for him but he didn't know of that was enough.

"Umm excuse me?" Sandy looked at a nurse. "If you want some privacy…" she indicated to a room.

"Thanks," Sandy said guiding Ryan into the room, followed by Seth. Kirsten hung back.

"I was just wondering if you know whether Marissa Cooper's mother has been told yet?"

"I was actually just going to sort that out."

"Could I possibly tell her?" The nurse looked at her sympathetically.

"Of course. Do you want to use the hospital phone."

"I think I want to go and see her in person." The nurse nodded.

"Thank you." As hard as Kirsten knew it would be to tell Julie she couldn't bare the thought of her finding out from a stranger. She opened the door. "Sandy can I talk to you for a sec?" Sandy joined her in the corridor.

"What's wrong?"

"I was just talking to the nurse and she said that Julie hasn't been told yet and I told her that I want to talk to her, so I'm going to go and see her."

"Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"I can't let her find out from a stranger over the phone. It's just not right."

"Do you want me to go with you?"

"No it's fine. Go back to Ryan and Seth. They need you."

"Okay. Here's the keys." Sandy handed her the car keys and kissed her head.

"I'll see you soon." Sandy watched Kirsten disappear out of sight. Sandy walked back into the room where Ryan was sitting on the bed and Seth was sitting on a chair.

"What's going on?" Seth asked him.

"You mom's going to talk to Julie," he replied quietly. They both look over at Ryan, who was staring at the floor. Sandy looked at Seth who shrugged his shoulders. Neither of them knew what to say to Ryan. They knew it was too soon to ask him what had happened, but they had to talk to him sometime or he would never open up to them.

* * *

Kirsten closed the car door and walked up to the Robert's front door and rang the doorbell. She waited as they would all be in bed. Eventually a light turned on and she heard keys turning in the door. Neil opened the door to her in his dressing gown.

"Kirsten," he said surprised to see her standing at the door in the middle of the night.

"Hi Neil. I was wondering if I could talk to Julie?"

"Uh, sure. Come on in." he ushered her in and closed the door behind her. "Is everything alright?" he asked her, concerned.

"Kiki?" Neil and Kirsten turned around as Julie came down the stairs. "What are you doing here?" she walked over to Kirsten and kissed her cheek. She noticed Kirsten's pale face. "What's wrong?" Kirsten looked at the floor then back up at Julie, who was frowning. "Kirsten?"

"I'm afraid there's some bad news."

"What's happened?"

"About an hour ago, we got a call from the hospital. Ryan and Marissa were in a car accident on the way to the airport."

"What? Well are they alright? Is Marissa alright? I need to get changed, she'll be wanting to see me," she said, flustered from the news. She started to walk away when Kirsten tried to stop her.

"Julie wait!" but Julie kept walking. "Marissa's dead." Julie suddenly stopped dead. She slowly turned to face Kirsten.

"You're kidding right?" she said laughing. "I mean you've got to be kidding," she said her voice breaking.

"I'm sorry," Kirsten said quietly.

"No you don't understand she isn't dead. She can't be dead….." Kirsten just looked at her, not knowing what else to say. "Oh my god, my baby…." Julie brought her shaking hand up to her mouth, and started making whimpering noises. Kirsten and Neil rushed over to her as she sank to the floor. "My baby's gone," she sobbed. Kirsten crouched down beside her and saw tears spilling out of Julie's eyes. Kirsten held Julie's shaking body close as she cried hysterically. Neil stood at the side watching as Julie fell apart in Kirsten's arms feeling completely helpless.

"Dad? What's going on?"

Neil turned and saw Summer coming down the stairs followed by Kaitlyn. Kirsten looked up at him as she held on to Julie. Neil looked at the two girls but nothing came out……

Please Review! Look out for the next chapter soon.


	2. Never Too Far

I want to say thank you to all those who reviewed the first chapter. It's such a good feeling to know that people like what you are writing. Here's chapter 2. I wasn't sure how to make Summer react, so i hope it's ok. I hope you enjoy, and pleas review: )

Chapter 2: Never Too Far

Kaitlin walked down the stairs behind Summer. They had both heard the doorbell, and noises from downstairs. Kaitlin looked at her mom who was on the floor hugging on to Kirsten.

"Mom?"

"Okay, would someone just tell us what's going on!" Summer said getting angry. Neil cleared his throat.

"Umm, there's some bad news…"

"Yeah I got that part," Summer said bluntly glancing at Julie then back to her dad.

"On the way to the airport Ryan and Marissa…" Neil hesitated, "they were involved in a car accident." Summer looked at Julie. She knew of only one thing that would make Julie break down like that, but she refused to believe that it could even be possible. Summer just stared at her dad. He could tell that she knew what had happened but didn't want to know.

"And Marissa, she….she didn't make it."

Summer felt a lump form in her throat. Why did he have to say it? If he hadn't said anything then it didn't have to be true. She closed her eyes as tears started rolling down her cheeks. How could she be gone? She loved her so much. And they were supposed to be best friends forever. She held on to the banister and slowly sat down on the stairs. All she could hear was Julie's sobs, and the echo of her dad's voice, - "_she didn't make it."… "she didn't make it…". _ She looked at her dad as he held her hands and crouched in front of her. She closed her eyes again as more tears fell. Neil couldn't bare this. Her silence was worse than Julie's hysterical crying. She opened her eyes and looked down at her feet. Neil felt a shiver go through his spine, as she raised her head and met his eyes with hers

"Why?" she whispered quietly.

* * *

Kaitlin stood on the stairs not knowing what to say or do. Sure her and Marissa had never been close, but she was still her big sister. She walked down the last few steps to her mom and Kirsten. Kirsten stood up and hugged Kaitlin.

"I'm so sorry," she said quietly. If anything ever happened to Hailey she couldn't even imagine how she would feel. Kaitlin nodded at Kirsten in thanks. She knelt down on the floor beside her mom. Julie looked up and saw Kaitlin. At least she had her here.

"Oh honey," Julie wrapped her arms around Kaitlin as tears continued to spill out of her eyes. "What're we going to do? What're we….what…."she sobbed into her younger daughters shoulder. She wasn't her younger daughter anymore though. She was her only daughter.

"It's okay mom," Kaitlin reassured her mom, who was shaking in her arms. "We'll figure it out. Together," she said as a tear fell from her eye. "We Coopers always stick together."

* * *

"I'm so sorry honey," Neil said quietly to his daughter.

"It just doesn't make sense. I mean how can she be…." Summer couldn't say it, and she suddenly broke down in tears, crying into her hands. Neil moved forwards and held her close.

"It's okay, let it all out." Her small body shook as she buried her head in her dad's dressing gown. She moved her head off and stood up.

"I need to be alone," she whispered quietly, and turned around running up the stairs.

"Wait sweetie," Neil called to her.

"Let her be." Neil saw Kirsten standing at the bottom of the stairs. "Give her a bit of time." Neil nodded and stood up joining Kirsten.

"How's Ryan?"

"Physically he's not too bad, a few broken ribs, but inside….I don't know how he's going to move on from this."

"I know exactly what you mean," Neil said looking at Julie, who was still hugging Kaitlin, her sobs residing.

"Sandy, Seth and Ryan are at the hospital and I think Marissa's…." she looked at Neil who nodded knowing what she meant. "Is there but they'll have to move it soon."

"I'd better talk to Julie." Neil kissed Kirsten's head gently and walked over to Julie and Kaitlin. "Could I have a minute with your mom?"

"Uh, sure," Kaitlin let go of her mom.

"Come over here sweetie," Kaitlin walked over to Kirsten, as Neil knelt down beside Julie. Neil lifted her hands and held them in his.

"You should get ready and we'll go to the hospital."

"Umm….is….Marissa at the hospital?" she said shakily.

"She was taken there but they can't keep her there long." Julie nodded her head and Neil wiped a tear off her face.

"Come on," Neil helped Julie up off the ground. She kissed him on the lips.

"I love you."

"I love you too," he said kissing the top of her head.

"Kiki," Julie walked over to Kirsten and hugged her. "Thank you. For coming here…"

"Whatever I can do to help. I should get back to the boys at the hospital."

"Of course. We'll be there soon."

Kirsten smiled at her sympathetically and hugged her again. She let herself out the house and got into her car. As she sat down she let out a shaky breath. She leaned her head on the steering wheel trying to regain her composure. She still couldn't quite believe everything that was happening. It was all so surreal. She felt like she was in the middle of a nightmare, except it was real.

Neil guided Julie into the bedroom. She walked in and headed for the dresser. She picked up a picture in a beautiful gold frame and sat down on the bed. She gently ran her finger round the picture of her and her two girls taken at graduation. Julie had insisted on getting the photos developed immediately so that Marissa could take copies to her dad. It seemed a whole lifetime ago that Julie watched her little girl walk across that stage. It was the proudest moment of her life, but now none of it mattered. A tear fell from her eye and landed on the picture, rolling down Marissa. Julie watched as Marissa's perfect smile was blurred by her tear. It was as though she was disappearing in front of her eyes. Julie tried to rub away the tear off the glass of the photo frame but no matter how hard she tried she still couldn't see her properly. Because she was gone. Forever. And no photo could ever bring her back.

"Hey, hey," Neil gently took hold of her hands as she rubbed frantically at the picture.

"All the things I've said to her, all the horrible things I've done….." Julie sobbed.

"Don't matter. All that matters is that she loved you."

Julie closed her eyes remembering one of the last things that Marissa had ever said to her.

"_I love you…okay, just know that."_

There were no words to describe how she felt when Marissa said those three words to her. Three simple words. Yet they meant more than anything in the world. Neil took the photo out of her hands and placed it back on the dresser.

"Let's get you ready. There's still time to tell her you love her."

"She won't be able to hear me though."

"You don't know that."

"Oh so now you believe in talking to ghosts," Julie said half smiling.

"No," Neil walked over to her and sat beside her on the bed. "I believe that not matter where those closest to hearts are, it's never too far for them to hear us when we tell them that we love them."

"I love you," Julie said resting her head on his shoulder.

"See I heard that." He felt her laugh softly. "I'm going to check up on Summer. You get ready."

* * *

Neil gently knocked on the door as he heard quiet sobs coming from the other side.

"Can I come in?" he gently twisted the handle when he got no reply. The door clicked and he pushed it open. He knew that if she really didn't want to see anyone she would have locked her door. He walked in and saw Summer curled up on her bed with her back to the door. He went over and sat on the edge of her bed. He rested his hand on her arm and noticed that she was hugging on to a purple bear. Marissa's purple bear.

"I'm going with Julie and Kaitlin to the hospital, do you want to come?" He gently rubbed her arm as she continued to cry softly. "Hmm?"

"I miss her already," Summer sobbed quietly.

"I know you do." Summer sat up and let her dad hug her. She held the bear up to her face and hugged on to it. It still smelled of Marissa. The memories of when her and Seth had decorated Marissa's room and found the bear, came flooding back. At the time everything seemed so difficult but only if they knew what would be hitting them.

"We'll be leaving in about 10 minutes," Neil said, kissing the top of her head. He got up off the bed and walked to the door.

"Dad…" he turned back.

"What's wrong?"

"Tell me that you're not going to leave."

"Don't worry, you can't get rid of me," he smiled at her, and she attempted to smile back. As her dad closed the door something on her bedside table caught her eye. She picked up the picture of her and Marissa on the beach about a year ago. She felt like throwing it across the room, but she stopped herself and laid it face down on the table. She didn't want to be reminded of all the happy times they had together. Not when she knew it would never happen again.

* * *

Julie and Kaitlin met at the top of the stairs. Julie held out her hand. Kaitlin reached out and slid hers into it. Julie gently squeezed her hand and they looked at each other. This was it. This was the Cooper family.

* * *

Summer grabbed a jumper out of her drawer and roughly pulled it over head. Normally she wouldn't be seen dead in the public like this, but she really couldn't care less anymore. She walked over to her window and opened her curtains to look outside. It was completely dark, the moon covered by a cloud. "_I love you Coop," _she said to herself. She took a deep breath.

"Pull yourself together," she said out loud. She sniffed and wiped her face with her hand. She straightened up and walked away from the window to her bedroom door. As she walked out the door and closed it, a ray of moonlight fell through her window. It landed on her bed, shining onto Marissa's bear.  
Those we love are never too far away to hear us say it.

* * *

Please Review! 


	3. Silent Pain

I just want to say thank you so much to those who reveiwed. I really wasn't expecting that many. Sorry for taking so long to update but I've finished my exams now so I have more time on my hands. I realised that I said enjoy for the last chapter which probably isn't the best word since it's a sad story. Though i suppose it is possible to enjoy a sad story, just a different sort of enjoyment than a happy story - i really have no idea what I'm spraffing on about so I'll let you read it. "Enjoy"! And please review again: ) Oh and for Jaded-Amaya there will be Seth/Summer in the up coming chapters though not in this one.

Chapter 3: Silent Pain  


Seth looked from Sandy to Ryan then back to Sandy again. It was even more awkward than his first meeting with Dr Roberts. Suddenly he felt a tickle in his throat.

"_Oh god. This is not the time!"_ he thought to himself. He swallowed trying to get rid of it but it just wouldn't go.

"Hmmghh!" he coughed loudly, shattering the silence in the room into a thousand pieces. Sandy's head shot up in surprise and he looked at Seth. But Ryan didn't move an inch, his head hanging low looking down at his feet.

"Sorry," he said quietly. Seth frowned at Sandy and motioned with his eyes towards Ryan. Sandy glanced at Ryan then back to Seth. He shrugged his shoulders. Neither of them even knew where to begin.

"You should get a drink for that cough," Sandy said to Seth.

"Yeah. Hey Ryan you want anything?" he asked trying to sound casual. Ryan slowly lifted his head and looked at Seth. He sat there just staring at Seth for a few seconds before shaking his head and looking back down. "You sure? 'Cause, you know, they do say that there's nothing like a Pepsi to…"

"I said no, okay!" he shouted at Seth, his head snapping up. Seth sat still for a second, taken aback by Ryan's sudden outburst.

"Hey, Ryan it's going to be okay," Sandy said trying to be reassuring and helpful, realising as soon as he said it that it was a bad move.

"Oh it's going to be okay is it?" Ryan asked sarcastically. "How exactly is it going to be okay?" he didn't give Sandy a chance to say anything. "Huh? 'Cause you know I don't see it!" He got up and started to go towards the door, when he stopped in the middle of the room, staring at the door in front of him. "Do you know that she died in my arms? I held her as she died! I saw the pain fill her face, as she slowly struggled to breath. And you know what the last thing she said to me was? She said 'don't leave me'. And then I told her it's going to be okay." Ryan paused breathing deeply. "I told her everything was going to be okay, then she died in my arms." Seth and Sandy just sat there, Seth staring at the floor, Sandy's eyes fixed on the boy in front of him. "So I'm sorry but I don't see how anything's going to be okay," he finished, speaking quietly before pulling the door open and leaving the room. Seth looked up from the ground, his eyes meeting with Sandy's. They looked at each other, not having to say a word to convey how shocked and worried they were. It was bad enough that she was dead, but the fact that she died in his arms just made everything a million times worse.

"Do you think maybe…" Seth motioned to the door.

"Uh… yeah…you stay here, wait for your mom to get back, I'll go find Ryan." Sandy was about to open the door when Kirsten walked in.

"What's going on? I almost got knocked over by Ryan." She looked between Seth and Sandy who both remained silent. "Okay which one of you was it? What did you say?"

"Ugh… I don't even know," Sandy said sounding defeated, sitting back down. "I told him that everything will be okay, and he just…." Sandy shrugged his shoulders, not sure what had even happened.

"That's it? That's all you said."

"The situation is worse than we thought," Sandy said.

"What do you mean?"

"She died in his arms," Seth said quietly. Kirsten looked over at him.

"What?" she asked, though she had heard him perfectly. Seth nodded grimly. "I can't believe he had to watch her…" Kirsten slowly walked across the room and sat on the bed, completely at a loss for words.

"I should go and find him," Sandy said standing up again.

"Be careful," Kirsten said to him as he walked over and kissed her gently on the lips.

"I will," he said before running his hands through his hair and leaving the room.

"So…uh…how'd Julie take the news?" Kirsten looked at Seth absently, clearing still going over everything in her head.

"Hmm?"

"Julie. How'd she take the news?" Seth repeated.

"Oh not well. But I mean what can you expect?"

"And Summer?" he asked quietly not sure if he wanted to know, knowing that she would be heartbroken. Kirsten looked at her son who she knew was scared. Scared for Summer, and Ryan, even Julie, but also scared because he had just lost a friend. He may not have spoken to Marissa for most of his school life, but Kirsten knew that since Ryan had arrived she had actually become a good friend and not just the girl who happened to live next door.

"Mom?" Seth looked at her strangely as she sat there staring at him.

"Oh sorry. Well she wasn't hysterical like Julie, but she took it hard. I don't think she quite believed what she was hearing." Seth nodded his head and clenched his hands together. "She's going to need you now more than ever before."

"That's what I was afraid of," he said quietly lowering his head.

"You're a man now, and I know you love her. Just be there for her. Just be yourself," she told him reassuringly. Seth looked up at her and she noticed tears glistening in his eyes.

"But what if that's not enough?" he asked, holding the tears back. "Her_ best friend_ just died! I don't even know how to process that never mind to help her as well. I don't know if I'll be strong enough for both of us. I want to be there for her – more than anything in the world. But what if I'm not enough? What if I let her down?" Kirsten felt tears forming in her eyes. She had never had such and honest and emotional conversation with her son before, and truthfully she didn't know how to react.

"Come here," she patted the bed beside her. Seth sniffed and laughed quietly. "Come on. Or are you too manly to sit beside your mom?" she asked lightly. Seth looked at his mom and gave in, sitting on the edge of the bed beside her. She put her arm around his shoulder as he rested his head on hers. "Hey, how about we forget the being a man for a while," she said quietly, stroking his scruffy hair. They sat there for a few minutes just happy that they had each other, no matter what.

"What am I going to do?" Seth asked, breaking the silence.

"You are going to be there for Summer and she's going to be there for you. There's no point in sugar coating it, it's going to be hard. Just take it one step at a time. There's no point in asking questions that may not need answers. No matter what, you have each other." Seth sat up and looked at his mom.

"You are becoming quite the motivational speaker. You've been with dad way too long."

"Maybe that'll be you and Summer one day."

"Wo, wo! What happened to taking it one step at a time? Plus I've got many, many years until that."

"Hey, you saying I'm old?" she asked playfully pushing his shoulder.

"Now that is a question that does not need an answer." Kirsten shook her head and smiled.

"Come here." She reached her arms out and hugged him properly, not wanting to let him go. "You're not on your own," she said quietly as they hugged. Seth sighed shakily and closed his eyes. He knew it was true but he also knew that Summer would be needing him and all he could do was be there for her and pray that it would be enough.

* * *

Sandy walked out of the hospital into the darkness outside. He looked around the corner of the building and saw a shadowy figure sitting on the ground against the wall. He walked over and slid down the wall to the ground beside Ryan. They sat there in silence, the distance noise of ambulance sirens echoing in the background.

"I'm sorry."

Sandy turned his head and looked at Ryan who was looking at the ground in front of him.

"Ryan you have nothing to be sorry about."

"I shouldn't have shouted at you like that, it's just…"

"You don't have to explain anything okay?"

"Yeah I do!" Ryan said almost harshly looking at Sandy. He clenched his jaw and looked Sandy right in the eye. "It's my fault that Marissa's dead."

"Oh please don't say that. You can't blame yourself." Sandy had been dreading Ryan saying that. He always had a problem accepting that when bad things happened it wasn't his fault.

"You don't get what I'm saying," Ryan said bluntly. "It was my fault."

"Ryan…"

"If I had listened to her she would be alive. She told me to pull over but I didn't." Sandy frowned at him.

"Why did she ask you to pull over?" He was getting the feeling that there was a lot more to what happened than any of them had even imagined.

"The crash….it wasn't an accident. Well it was but…" he trailed off not knowing what else to say.

"You can tell me kid," Sandy said gently knowing that he couldn't push too hard.

"We were driving to the airport, when a car started ramming in to us from behind. Volchek. He was drunk and he kept ramming in to the car. I tried to get away but if I had just listened to Marissa and pulled over….I was the one he wanted to fight. I was the reason he was ramming in to the car, the reason he pushed us over the cliff. So I'm the reason that Marissa's dead. So like I said, it's my fault."

"Ryan it's not your fault! Volchek was the one that rammed you off the cliff."

"Well then why do I feel so guilty?" Ryan looked at Sandy again. "She's dead and I could have stopped it….I could have…." Sandy instinctively pulled Ryan over to him as he broke down. He held the back of his son's head as his body shook. There was no sobbing, no cries of pain. Just silence. Silence because there is no noise made when a heart breaks.

* * *

Please review, and i hope you "enjoyed" it! 


	4. Losing Strength

I'm so sorry for taking so long t update! I had forgotten before that i have the school musical which i am working on 7 days a week for another week or so, so i dont have much time. Thanks so much to all those who reviewed the other chapters and please continue, even just a word or two. Here is the fourth installment and kepp on the lookout for the 5th which i will have up as soon as i can...

  
Chapter 4: Losing Srength

Summer hunched her shoulders and followed the shape of her dad towards the hospital doors. She looked at her feet as she walked, her brain racing with jumbled thoughts yet also feeling numb and empty. Her whole body was numb, the only feeling being the gentle breeze that was blowing her hair over her face. The journey in the car to the hospital was a complete blur. In fact right now her whole life seemed like a blur. Nothing seemed to fit anymore, now that Marissa was gone. It was only now that she was gone that Summer realised how important and influential Marissa was in her life. But now it was too late.

"Summer?" She looked up at her dad and realised that she had stopped in front of the doors. He was bathed in light from inside the hospital. But it wasn't the beautiful light of an angel it was blinding, sharp light that felt like daggers going through her eyes. Instead of lighting up her world, it only made her more aware of all the dark corners that she wanted to forget about. She decided that sometimes ignorance is definitely bliss. She breathed in deeply and walked through the doors, feeling her insides tighten with the insistence that everything would be alright. That is what she hated most about hospitals. They were always so bright and almost cheerful. But Summer was not deceived. She could see past the bright lights and the white walls to the pain and suffering.

Neil gently led Julie in. Kailtin walked in behind refusing to be given any help. She didn't want people to take pity on her just because her sister was dead. She didn't need their help. Or at least that was what she was telling herself.

Neil caught the attention of a nurse.

"Umm excuse me, this is Julie Cooper..." he said gesturing towards Julie. The nurse nodded needing no more explanation.

"I'm so sorry for your loss."

"_One_," Julie counted in her head. She didn't want to think about how many people would be saying that to her. She looked at the nurse coldly. How could she be sorry when she didn't even know Marissa? Julie knew that she was just being polite but she couldn't stand the sympathy.

"If you would like to go to the waiting room and I'll inform Dr McAdam that you have arrived. He will talk you through everything."

"Thank you." Neil said to the nurse when he noticed Julie's cold stare. He protectively put his arm round Julie's shoulder and headed for the waiting room. He glanced over his shoulder to check that Summer and Kailtin were following. Both girls had their heads hanging low and their arms folded tightly across their chests as though trying to protect themselves, from all the pain and suffering. But he could tell that it wasn't working .

* * *

Seth felt his eyelids gradually grow heavy. He felt guilty for falling asleep while everything was happening but he couldn't help it. Suddenly there was a knock at the door and he bolted upright smacking his head off the wall behind him.

"Oh sh…" he rubbed the back of his head as Kirsten stood up. The door opened and the nurse walked in.

"Hi, sorry to bother you but I thought I should tell you that Julie Cooper has just arrived. Dr McAdam will be talking her through everything. She'll be taken to see her daughter but she'll need all the support she can get."

"Could you let us know before she goes in after she's finished with the doctor?"

"Of course."

Kirsten nodded in thanks to the nurse who closed the door behind her.

"Wait, wait…" Seth stood up and called to the nurse who walked back in. "Umm was there a brown haired girl with her?"

"There was a man and two girls with her."

"Ok, thanks," Seth said weakly. He sat back down as the reality of the horrible situation started to sink in.

"Hey remember what I said," Kirsten said to Seth as she felt for her son who was going through something that was terrible for anyone never mind an 18 year old. "Just be yourself." Kirsten felt almost guilty for saying this to him as he probably wanted to be anyone but himself right now. Well apart from Ryan.

* * *

Sandy turned his head slightly and looked at Ryan who was sitting beside him against the wall.

"This probably won't help but I'm going to tell you anyway," Sandy said breaking the silence. He turned his head again to look straight ahead of him. "When I was 15 I had a friend, Craig, who was killed in a car crash. And I know that it doesn't mean I know exactly what you are going through right now but I know you're scared….and confused, but you're not alone. Just know that." Sandy glanced to Ryan who was sitting completely still staring ahead.

"I'm sorry," Ryan said quietly still not looking at Sandy.

"Oh you don't have to be. It was a long time ago."

"Right and time heals all wounds," Ryan said almost sarcastically.

"No," Sandy said matter of factly, "but it is one hell of a band aid."

"How did you do it? How did you cope at the beginning?"

"I didn't. I spent the next month in my room, hiding. Until I realised there was nothing to hide from. You need to have time to grieve but don't disappear. Don't hide because there is a chance you may never be found. We both know that Marissa wouldn't want that. Live your life to the fullest. For Marissa."

Ryan eventually turned to look properly at Sandy. He nodded his head slightly.

"For Marissa."

Sandy reached out and placed his hand on Ryan's shoulder. He squeezed it gently oblivious to the fact that this simple act of love and support was enough to make Ryan realise that hope is a waking dream. Marissa may be dead but she would never die in Ryan's heart. She had left a mark in his heart. A mark of beauty and love, and it was never going to leave him. She was never going to leave him, not inside.

* * *

Neil looked from Kaitlin to Summer then to Julie. He noticed a change in all of them, because Marissa was a huge part of their lives and now that she was gone nothing was going to be the same again. He heard a quiet sniff beside him. He kissed the top of Julie's head as she rested it on his shoulder. She was holding a tissue up to her red and puffy eyes. She had taken to crying silently. Not because it didn't hurt anymore but because it hurt too much. She was too tired. Too scared.

Summer looked to the side to her dad. For a second she felt jealous that Julie was getting his attention but this quickly vanished when she realised that the woman had lost her daughter. She took her hand out of her pocket. Her perfect varnished nails caught her attention. Marissa had done them for her, one of the last things they had done as best friends. She chipped a bit of nail varnish off one nail and watched as it gently floated to the ground, disappearing before her eyes. Just like Marissa had. But she could repaint the chip on her nail but she couldn't replace Marissa. She slowly moved her hand towards her dad. She found his hand and slipped hers into it. He gently squeezed it as he attempted to make her feel safe.

"Mrs Cooper?"

Julie looked up as she heard her name being called. She nodded her head to the Doctor.

"I'm Dr McAdam, I would like to talk you through everything so if you would like to follow me," he said to everyone. They all followed him into a private room and sat down. "I just want to start off with saying how sorry I am for your loss. It's hard to lose anyone close to you but when they're younger it seems much worse. Now Marissa is still here in the hospital but we'll have to move her body soon."

""Can I see her before she's taken away?" Julie asked quietly.

"Of course, and any other family members, close friends…" he paused for a second. "I should warn you though that she suffered a head injury so there is still a lot of blood."

"Umm….," Julie held back a sob. "How did she….was she in pain when she…when she..died," Julie struggled through.

"She suffered massive internal injuries and internal bleeding as well as a head injury."

"But was she in pain?" The doctor breathed deeply.

"Severe internal injuries do not tend to have an immediate effect…."

Julie closed her eyes and let out a sob. She knew that was just a polite way of saying that she was in pain.

Summer felt a tear roll down her cheek. If there was one thing that she was hoping for it was that Marissa had died painlessly, but now even this one glimmer of hope had faded into the dark hole that was her life. Dr McAdam sat back for a second to let them all soak it in. He reached down into his desk.

"I know it's the last thing you want to do right now but there is some very important paper work."

Julie looked up and wiped away at her eyes. She reached out her shaky hand and picked up a pen lying on the desk. She wrapped her fingers around it. Fingers that had once held the hand of her little girl but fingers that were now gripping a pen to sign away that same life. But she wasn't ready to let go of that hand. Not yet.

* * *

Please Review! 


	5. A Memory

Firstly I want to apologise for the ridiculous length of time that I've taken to update. I hope that you haven't lost interest in this story and if you have i only have myself to blame. My pathetic excuses are that i basically had a complete block on what to write though i have parts written for later in the story, and also i just seemed to be really busy. Anyway enough of the excuses. Here's chapter 5:

Please, please review to let me know that people are actually reading it and havent just forgotten about it.

Chapter 5: A Memory

Julie felt her fingertips touch the cold metal, her hand shaking.

"Mom?" She retracted her hand away and held it close to her letting a sob out. Kaitlin walked slowly up to her. She held her hand out. Julie just looked at her daughter. She couldn't believe how grown up she was. She promised herself she would never let her leave again. She wasn't going to risk losing another daughter.

"Together," Kaitlin whispered to her. Julie reached out her hand and held tightly on to Kaitlins. They moved their hands over to the door handle and pushed it down. Julie quickly pulled her hand away again as the door opened a crack. She stood completely still just staring at the door in front of her. Kaitlin glanced behind her to Neil and Summer completely stuck for what to do. Neil nodded his head slightly to reassure her that he was there. He took his hand away from around Summer and approached Julie.

"It's alright. You're not alone." He gently placed his hand on her shoulder and encouraged her into the room. She cautiously opened the door further and walked in. Kaitlin followed close behind her. She turned around and closed the door, attempting to smile weakly at Summer and Neil. Summer looked away not able to cope with the fear that was covering Kailtin's face.

* * *

Kaitlin turned around and watched as her mom walked slowly towards the bed in the dimly lit room. The room was deadly silent. She could see the shape of her sister on the bed on the other side of the room but as she tried to walk over she felt her feet glue to the spot. 

As Julie got closer her breathing became heavier as she felt tears resurfacing. She suddenly stopped a step away from the edge of the bed as she took in what she saw in front of her. Marissa's skin was completely white with dark circles around her eyes. Her white top was dirty. Her head was covered in blood. But what she noticed the most was that she was completely still. She just wished that she could see Marissa's chest gently fall and rise but she remained still. Julie suddenly threw herself towards the bed, crying hysterically.

"Marissa, please, no," she whimpered as she stroked her ice cold cheek. "Marissa…." She sat on the bed and pulled the limp body in to her. She rocked back and forth crying on to Marissa's shoulder. She lay her back down and grabbed on to her cold hand. "Wakeup, wakeup…" she whispered rubbing her hand. "Wa….." she let her head fall on to Marissa as her whole body shook with heart wrenching sobs. She hit the bed beside her with her fist, her head still resting on Marissa. "Wakeup god damn it!" she suddenly shouted, sitting up and hitting her fist off the bed again. "Wakeup!" she screamed holding on to Marissa's shoulders firmly. She shook her gently still screaming. She leaned forward and gently kissed Marissa's forehead. She patted her cheek lightly. "Come on, come on…." She suddenly stood up and grabbed the vase off the bedside table hurling it towards the wall. "AARGGHH!"

Kaitlin pressed herself against the door, terrified as her mom lost control, too scared to approach her.

"Mom," she whimpered as tears fell from her eyes. Julie ignored her as she rested her forehead against the wall. She hit her fist against it as tears cascaded down her cheeks. Kailtin turned around and yanked open the door, terrified.

* * *

Neil and Summer sat down on a couple of chairs just beside the room. 

"Neil."

He looked up on hearing Sandy's voice.

"Sandy." He stood up and the two men shook hands firmly. Summer lingered in her seat for a second before standing up and hiding behind her dad. "Hey Kirsten," he leaned over and kissed her cheek.

Everyone suddenly went silent as there was a smashing sound from inside the room. Neil walked over to the door and was about to open it when it swung open to reveal a terrified looking Kaitlin.

"Kaitlin!" he said in surprise. "What's going on?"

"It's mom," Kaitling whimpered. "She's completely lost it."

"I'll deal with her," Neil reassured her. He directed Kaitlin away from the door towards Kirsten and Summer. They each put a hand on the young girls shoulders, as she shrunk back away from the door. Neil cautiously opened the door further, only to see Julie curled up on the floor against the wall. He rushed over to her letting the door close behind him. On the other side Kirsten seated the shaking Kaitlin on one of the chairs and comforted the young girl. Summer simply looked at Seth for a moment before walking over and hugging him. For a second Seth just stood there but quickly placed his arms around her. Ryan took a step away and turned his back on everyone not wanting to watch them go through their pain, finding it hard just to cope with his own. Sandy watched Ryan and knew exactly what he was doing. He knew Ryan always found confrontation hard, and he knew that all the emotion surrounding him was becoming too much. Sandy let him be and simply stood still, his eyes looking to the ground.

* * *

"Hey, hey. Come on, come here," Neil coaxed Julie as he kneeled beside her. 

"What am I going to do without her?" she sobbed as she let Neil wrap his arms around her.

"You know who really needs you right now? Kaitlin." On hearing Kaitlin's name Julie looked up at Neil.

"I feel like she's a stranger. Marissa was the glue between us but now she's gone and I just don't know what to say to her."

"She's your daughter and she loves you. That's all that matters." Neil stood up, helping Julie along with him. Julie let go of Neil for a second returning to Marissa's bedside. She gently kissed her forehead again.

"I'm sorry Marissa."

* * *

Kaitlin looked up as she saw Neil lead her mom out of the room. Julie looked at Kaitlin. 

"I'm so sorry," she whispered as Kaitlin stood up. She threw her arms around her. The Cooper hug wasn't the same without Marissa but at least she had someone to hug and for that she was forever grateful.

"I'm just going to take them home," Neil told Sandy who nodded in agreement and shook Neil's hand.

"Talk soon."

"Summer, honey, are you coming?" Neil asked her.

"I want to stay," she replied quietly.

"We'll get her home safely," Kirsten reassured him. Neil nodded and kissed Summer gently on the cheek.

"Love you."

"I love you too daddy."

Neil returned to Julie and Kaitlin and lead them both away, trying to protect them from all the pain and suffering though he knew that was impossible.  
Ryan watched the door as it gently closed, clicking into place.

"Do you want to…" Kirsten motioned towards the door.

"I've already said my goodbye," he replied before pulling his eyes off the door and walking down the corridor. As he walked away he felt all their eyes burning into his back. With each step he took he felt himself start to let Marissa go. He knew it was going to be difficult to get over it but it had to start somewhere. Every thousand mile journey must start with a single step. He had taken that first step away from the door; now he just had a thousand miles left.

Seth felt Summer tense beside him as they all silently watched Ryan disappear round the corner. He felt her move slightly away and looked down to see her gazing with wide eyes at the closed door.

"Hey, you ok?" he asked her gently. She released her arm from around his waist and looked up to him fiddling with her fingers nervously.

"Could you come with me?" she asked him quietly. Going into that room was one of the last things Seth wanted to do, but what he wanted to do the most was protect Summer, so if that meant going in to the room then he would do it. He opened his hand out to Summer after realizing that for one of the first times in his life he was stuck for words. Summer warily took his hand which he squeezed gently to remind her that he was there for her. She lead him over to the door. She hesitated for a second before opening the door and stepping through the threshold, never letting go of Seth's hand. Seth quickly glanced back at his mom and dad. Sandy nodded to him to let him know that he was doing the right thing and that he was proud of him. As the door closed Kirsten watched as Seth turned away. She wrapped her arm around Sandy and leaned against him.

"When did he become so grown up?" she asked with a sigh. "Life just wasn't this hard when we were young."

"Honey, come on…we're still young," he replied jokingly. He looked at her when she didn't respond to his pathetic attempt at lightening the mood. "Hey," he said rubbing her arm gently. "Seth's a smart kid, he'll be fine. And Ryan just needs a bit of space. Maybe it's time we let them be grown up, hmm?" Kirsten nodded as Sandy kissed the top of her head. "We should go and fill out forms to sign Ryan out."

"I'm just going to wait here," Kirsten said quietly. "Just so you know…"

"Okay, I'll see you out the front," he said before gently kissing her on the lips. "I love you."

"Love you too," she smiled slightly giving him another quick kiss. "Bye," she whispered to him as he followed the same course as Ryan. She sat down knowing all she could do was wait. She promised herself that she would let Seth grow up but she also promised herself that no matter what she would always make sure he knew that he would never be too old to come to her. She would always be his mom and she would always love him. She just wished that Jimmy and Julie could have that with Marissa.

* * *

Seth lingered at the door as Summer boldly walked over to the bed. He watched as she gently lifted up Marissa's hand and held it close to her. He was tempted to turn around and run out the room; run to a place where Marissa was alive and he didn't have to watch his girlfriend say goodbye to her best friend. But when he saw Summer's small figure shake with grief he ran to her side. As soon as she felt his hand on her shoulder she swung around and threw herself at Seth, hugging him tightly and burying her face in his chest. Seth hugged her back, resting his head on hers. He swallowed deeply and closed his eyes when he saw Marissa's body on the bed. In that one second Seth got a hint of what Ryan had gone through. It was bad enough seeing her dead but watching her die was another thing completely. 

"I'm here, okay," Seth said quietly.

"Okay," Summer replied, muffled through her sobs. Seth was glad that for one of the first times in his life he had said the right thing at the right moment. He thought it best just to leave it at that and gently rubbed Summer's back as her sobbing gradually resided. Summer eventually moved her head off Seth's chest. He moved his hand to her face and gently rubbed away some of her tears though he knew that he would never be able to rub away most of them.

"Just give me one second." Seth nodded as she turned back around to Marissa. She once again lifted up Marissa's hand and kissed it gently.

"Goodbye Coop," she whispered. That was all she said because she knew that Marissa knew how much she loved her. She was her best friend forever, or at least she was supposed to be. She walked over and picked up a sheet draped over the end of the bed. She opened it out and spread it over Marissa's body. She smoothed it out and lifted the top end, gradually pulling it up over Marissa's face. She let it fall as she said goodbye to Marissa forever. She turned around and allowed Seth to guide her away. Seth glanced back one last time and saw the white shape of Marissa. He realized that now Marissa was no longer a person. She was a spirit; an angel; a memory burned into the minds of those that loved her. That's all she was. Simply a memory; something that was, but something that no longer is.

* * *

Please, please review! 


	6. Lie With Me

I have finally written up chapter 6! I'm so sorry it has taken so long (literally months) to update! I hope it's not too rubbish and would love some reviews (I just hope people havent forgotten about it since the last update!). I have been writing loads of ideas for the upcoming chapters. Coming up in the story is: Jimmy arrives in Newport, Julie tries to cope with her daughters death, and eventually the funeral. Not sure what will happen after that but I hope to have quite a few more chapters. Anyway enough of me blabbing! Enjoy...

  
Chapter 6: Lie With Me

Sandy reached into his pocket and drew out the house keys. He walked inside the dark house and held the door open as three almost ghostly figures floated past him. They might as well have been ghosts anyway. They were only half there, empty shells of people who were once full of energy, of life, love – full of emotion. He half opened his mouth to say something but immediately closed it realising that right at that moment not even Sandy Cohen could come up with something helpful to say, because right now words were meaningless. He closed the door and watched as his wife and two sons silently went their own way each feeling the same burden of loss yet all feeling it differently. A girlfriend? A family member? The girl next door? Or simply just a friend….

He followed Kirsten through to the kitchen. He watched closely as she filled up a glass of water and gulped it all down before shakily resting it on the counter top. Sandy slowly approached her and gently placed his hand on her shoulder, not wanting to startle her.

"Hey we should get to bed, try and sleep. It's been a long night," he whispered into her ear.

"Go ahead, I'll be there in a minute. I just need to gather my thoughts."

"Okay," he gently kissed her head. "You know where I am if you need me." She nodded her head weakly and he gave her shoulder one last gentle squeeze. He retreated to their bedroom never looking back to Kirsten not wanting to watch her "gather her thoughts". Kirsten heard Sandy's footsteps grow fainter as she refilled her glass. She breathed deeply and leaned her hands on the worktop. Her mind jumped back to a few hours earlier. It felt like her memory had been scarred: scarred by the look of fear and hurt on Ryan's face; scarred by Julie's hysterical sobbing; scarred by Seth's silence. She knew that no matter what she would never forget this night. She would never be able to heal, none of them would.

Sandy walked out of the bathroom as Kirsten walked into the bedroom. He watched her move to the bed and sit on the edge, every step looking forced like she just wanted to give up right there.

"Hey you should splash some cold water on your face. It's been a long night," Sandy suggested standing in the same spot watching the back of her head. Her blonde hair rippled in the dim light as she nodded her head gently. But Sandy quickly noticed that she in fact wasn't nodding her head as her shoulders began to hunch over. Without even thinking he moved swiftly to her side. He sat on the edge of the bed beside her as her whole body started to shake. He latched his arm around her shoulder as tears rained from her eyes. He stroked her hair off her wet cheeks as she let out quiet sobs. Sandy always had answers but he found himself drowning in her tears, unable to answer anything. This was one of those moments he would always look back on and thank the lord that they had each other; their love stopping them from drowning.

Seth walked into the house past his dad and headed straight up the stairs. It seemed to him that every single footstep he took was booming through the deadly silence that had engulfed the house. He pushed his bedroom door open. He saw his bed, the covers all thrown to one side reminding him of the moment only a few hours ago when nothing made sense anymore. Sitting down at his desk in the dark room he picked up his phone, flipping it open and pressing frantically at the buttons. He looked down at the small lit up screen and the name across it. Summer. His finger hovered over the green call button. He may not have messed up back at the hospital but he didn't feel like he had done anything to help her either. He felt he had to call her to check that she was okay though he didn't know what he would say. Maybe the words would come to him. Maybe she wouldn't even want to hear from him so soon. Maybe she just needed her own space. He moved his finger away from the green button and flipped his phone shut. Or maybe he was just a coward.

Summer walked over to her bed and picked up Marissa's bear. She looked at the bear as a tear slid down her cheek.

"Marissa's watching over me now too."

She breathed deeply, swearing to herself that she would be strong. It was pointless though. What's the point in being strong if you've got nothing to hold up. And she had nothing, now that Marissa was gone. She buried her face in the bear and lay back on her bed. Endless tears fell from her eyes as what was left of her heart broke. She closed her eyes as she felt someone lie on her bed beside her and wrap their arms around her.

Neil kissed the back of her head and he held her small body close to him, sheltering them both in his love. Father and daughter simply lay there, comforting each other needing no words or dramatic gestures to show their love and support. Marissa was dead but Neil had to make sure that Summer realised that she herself was still alive.

Ryan pushed open the door of the pool house, memories of the times he had spent there with Marissa flowing over him. He looked around the dark pool house taking in the familiar surroundings. Voices from the past bounced off the walls, echoing around his head. The memories became too much as he lashed out sending his lamp crashing to the floor, ignoring the pain searing through his body.

"AAARRGHH!" he went over to the bed and started kicking it, letting out all his rage. He gradually sunk to his knees beside the bed hitting it with his fists. He grabbed onto a piece of cover, clenching it in his fist. He lowered his head onto the bed and did something that Ryan Atwood never does. He cried. His whole body shook as he buried his face into the covers. It just wasn't fair. Why had she died? It just didn't make sense: she had died and he had lived.

Why?

Jimmy settled onto his couch with a book, the window open letting a gentle breeze blow in. He had tidied the place up for Marissa coming. They would have a few days together before setting sail for Greece. He was so excited to see her – he didn't regret his decision to leave Newport but he did regret his decision to leave Marissa. She said it was too hard to keep saying good bye to him but now they were going to spend a whole year together and would never have to say goodbye to her again. He couldn't help but let a small smile escape his lips as he thought of meeting her at the airport in a few hours. He went back to his book, though found it difficult to concentrate through his excitement. He was about to turn the page when the phone rang. He looked at the phone then back to his book, sighing as he stretched out to get the phone off the table beside the couch.

"Who could be phoning at this hour?" he wondered out loud seeing 11:35 on the clock. "Hello?"

"Could I speak to a Mr James Cooper?" a very formal voice asked down the phone.

"This is him," Jimmy replied.

"This is Newport General Hospital."

Jimmy frowned wondering why the hospital would be phoning him.

"I'm very sorry to say that your daughter has been involved in an automobile accident."

"Oh god, Kaitlin," Jimmy said, not evening thinking about Marissa assuming that she was on the plane on the way to him.

"Uh I'm sorry," the voice at the other end said, sounding confused. "I have it down as Marissa Cooper."

"What?" Jimmy replied, his turn to be confused. "That must be a mistake…. There has to be a mistake. I mean I'm meeting her at the airport in a few hours."

"I'm sorry it's definitely Marissa Cooper."

"Uh…well," Jimmy stuttered trying to comprehend what he was hearing. "Well is she okay?"

"I'm so sorry but she was pronounced dead at the scene."

The phone fell from Jimmy's hand as the world around him ground to a halt.

Jimmy ran up to the empty check in desk.

"I need a ticket to Newport," he said breathlessly.

The woman sitting at the desk slowly looked up at Jimmy who was drumming his fingers impatiently on the desk. She slowly turned to her computer screen and typed vigorously. Jimmy rolled his eyes as the woman typed away. She eventually looked back at Jimmy.

"The next flight to Newport is tomorrow at 3pm."

"No you don't understand I need to go now!" Jimmy said frantically.

"The next flight to Newport is tomorrow at 3pm," she repeated monotonously.

Jimmy ran his hand through his hair in exasperation.

"Ok, ok I got that. How about to LA?"

The woman went back to her computer.

"A flight to Los Angeles leaves in 45 minutes but there aren't many seats left," she droned. Jimmy raised his eyebrows then looked over each shoulder to the almost deserted airport.

"Umm, it's just me I only need one seat," he said taken aback by her slowness. She nodded her head.

"Would you like a ticket?"

"Yes!" Jimmy shouted. "Look I just found out that my daughter has died, I really need to get home!" he shouted in a burst of emotion. He slammed his credit card down.

"I don't care how much it is just get me a seat."

She processed his card and got a ticket.

"Do you have any bags to check in?"

"No," Jimmy said trying to calm himself.

"I have some routine questions to ask you…."

"Yes I packed the bag myself, no no-one has had a chance to tamper with it, and I have no form of explosives, weapons, knifes, scissors or guns," he reeled out quickly. She stared at him for a few seconds.

"Do you have any tweezers?"

"What?"

"Do you have any tweezers?" she asked sounding like it was the last place she wanted to be.

"No I don't have any tweezers!" he said getting annoyed again. She picked up the ticket and slipped it into a small cover. Jimmy watched her fiddle with the ticket, anger boiling up inside him.

"Boarding at gate 2A," she said holding out the ticket. Jimmy grabbed it and picked up his bag.

"Thanks for your help," he said sarcastically.

"Enjoy your flight," she said as he hurried away. Truthfully he didn't know why he was hurrying though. He had nothing left to hurry to. Marissa was dead.

Let me know what you think whether good or bad!


	7. The Key to her Heart

I can't believe how long it has been since I have updated this story!! The start of the new season influenced me to update. I keep coming up with ideas for later parts in the story but obviuosly I have to write other things before then!! Hope you enjoy this delayed chapter and please review!!

Chapter 7: The Key to her Heart

Kirsten rolled over in bed to snuggle into Sandy. She opened her eyes when she felt the gap on the other side of the bed. She noticed a faint light shining under the bottom of the door. She wrapped her dressing gown around her body and followed the soft glowing light.

Sandy stood in the kitchen, a mug of coffee in his hands. Kirsten walked over to him and placed her hand gently on his shoulder. Sandy rested his mug on the counter not even flinching. Kirsten had been waiting for him to let his wall down. He always was the strong one that held everything together, but few walls stand forever.

"Couldn't sleep?" she asked him.

"I hate lying in bed not being able to sleep," he stated almost emotionlessly. "You want some coffee?"

"Yeah that'd be nice, thanks."

Kirsten stood back as Sandy made her coffee like a robot. This man was the complete opposite to the energetic, passionate, emotional man she knew. And it scared her.

"You wanna talk?" she asked him as he handed her the mug.

"Are you asking me if I want to talk or do you really want to talk to me?" he asked gently, sensing that she really needed him.

"I was hoping both," she stated.

"You start then."

"No," she replied. "You don't always have to be the one to bear the burden."

"Ok," Sandy sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "More than anything I'm angry."

"Angry?" Kirsten asked urging him to go on.

"They were both teenagers, both had so much to look forward to then this happens. It's just not right. It's not fair."

"Well I'm just scared and I just feel I don't know….just not right. I still keep thinking what if it was Ryan that was killed. I just don't think I could cope if he was dead and it's been haunting me. I'm not saying I didn't love Marissa because I did, but Ryan's my son and I just can't get it out my head how close we came to losing him forever."

"What's important is that we haven't lost him," Sandy said wrapping a protective arm around Kirsten.

"Haven't we?" she asked with a sigh looking out at the pool house silhouetted in the rising sun.

* * *

Sandy, Kirsten and Seth all looked through the glass in the main house out to the pool house with it's drawn down blinds. 

"You know when you said we should give him some time, exactly how much time were you thinking?" Seth asked, his nose and forehead pressed against the glass.

"Seth it's only been a few hours since it happened I think maybe we can cut him a bit more slack," Sandy replied.

"I just want to know that he's ok," Seth sighed.

"Me too son, me too," Sandy said resting his hand on Seth's shoulder.

"Well how about you take him out a coffee and a bagel," Kirsten suggested weakly.

"I really think that this situation is above the bagel and coffee scenario mom."

"Well have you got any better suggestions?"

Seth frowned before pointing his finger at Kirsten.

"No."

"I'll go make it up," Kirsten said leaving Sandy and Seth.

"How are you? I mean really?" Sandy suddenly asked Seth.

"Umm how am I? Uhh, well I've had better….you know what scratch that, really not good if you want the truth."

"That's all I want. I can't be here for you if I don't what I'm being there for."

"To be honest I don't really know what you should be here for either. I guess that's the problem. I just feel confused."

"Just give it a bit of time."

"Here you go," Kirsten handed Seth the bagel and coffee.

"Thanks."

"It's going to be ok kid," Sandy patted Seth's shoulder. "It's going to be ok."

Seth nodded slightly and made his way out to the pool house.

He knocked on the door, waiting a few seconds for a reply before calling out Ryan's name.

"Ryan? Can I come in?" silence. "I have a bagel and coffee courtesy of the Cohen's." silence. "Ryan? I'm coming in man, I hope you're not naked!"

Seth opened the door, casting light into the dark room. He noticed the empty bed and the broken lamp lying on the floor. "Ryan?" he asked cautiously suddenly getting the sense that something was really wrong. He frowned when he noticed a note on the pillow.

"Oh no," Seth sighed and put the coffee and bagel down. He reached down and lifted the note off the bed. The first thoughts that sprung to Seth's mind were that he had run away. Away from Newport, from his past. Away from the memories of that tragic night that would be with him forever. Seth just wished he could have made Ryan see that running away wasn't the answer. The memories weren't just going to disappear. He was going to have to learn to live with them or he would end up forgetting how to live. Seth unfolded the note and scanned down Ryan's scrawled writing. He felt a wave of relief when he read it.

_I've gone out to clear my head. I need some time alone. Please don't come looking for me. I'll be back later._

He folded the note up again and picked up the coffee and the bagel. As soon as Seth stepped back in to the house Sandy and Kirsten were right by him.

"Is he alright? Did he not want the bagel? Do you think he wants some toast instead?" Kirsten immediately quizzed him.

"He doesn't want anything because he wasn't there."

"He wasn't there?" Sandy asked, sounding confused. Seth shook his head and handed Sandy the note.

"Oh and you might want to buy a new lamp for the pool house," Seth added.

"The lamp was broken?!" Kirsten asked as Sandy unfolded the note. "Oh god has he run away?" Kirsten asked thinking exactly the same as Seth. She looked over Sandy's shoulder as they both read the note.

"I found it on his pillow," Seth said as Sandy finished reading.

"Well he hasn't run away, that's good," Kirsten commented. Sandy handed her the note.

"I need the car keys."

"He said he wants to be left alone Sandy!"

"He's not thinking straight. I can't leave him out there alone, not after everything that's just happened," Sandy replied making his way to the front door.

"What if you end up doing more harm than good?" Kirsten asked, following him.

"How much more harm can I do?"

Sandy looked at Kirsten waiting for her to try and stop him, but she didn't. Maybe he was right. Maybe things couldn't be any worse.

"Be careful," she warned him, before he walked out the door.

"Well this should go well," Seth said sarcastically standing beside his mom.

"I just hope he's ok," she said sadly.

"Yeah me too." He didn't think that Ryan would ever be ok again though. "Hey can you drive me to Summer's."

"Of course. How is she?"

"I don't know. I'll soon find out," he said sounding scared.

"I think I'll come with you. I haven't had a chance to speak to Julie not that I think she'll want to talk but at least she'll no I'm there for her just like Summer knows you're there for her."

"I'm just need to grab my shoes," Seth said, heading up the stairs.

"Okay." Kirsten walked back through to the kitchen. She picked up the mug of coffee and poured the dark coloured contents down the sink. She watched as the liquid slowly swirled and disappeared down the sink right in front of her eyes…..just as Ryan had watched Marissa's life slowly disappear. Kirsten jumped when she heard Seth's voice.

"Mom?"

"Oh hey. Sorry didn't hear you coming."

"You okay?"

"Yeah, yeah. Of course I am," she said forcing a smile. "Let's go," she forced out cheerfully. Seth started to follow his mom out the kitchen when he noticed the bagel. He picked it up and threw it in the bin. He glanced back out at the empty pool house. Was this how it was going to be from now on? Closed doors? Closed emotions? Closed hearts? He just hoped that he still had the key to Summer's heart.

* * *

loved it? liked it? hated it? I just want to hear what you think 


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